I'm glad you found the first one. Thank you for commenting and hope you enjoy my stories. Don't be afraid to correct me if I wrote something wrong. I enjoy tips!
Mar 17, 2011 Rating
Great story by: Kaitlyn
I love your stories! I finally read the first one! But anyway, I really like these stories! Very interesting way you make the characters seem. And its well written.
Thanks for the stories all the same
Mar 14, 2011 Rating
Thanks Aysha! by: Shine
Aysha, you are so nice! Sorry I didn't respond to your comments on my story Apollo. Sure we can work on a story you can put on here. See ya!
Your BFF
Mar 10, 2011 Rating
thebomb.com by: ayhsa
shine this is the bomb.com story. i love how you begin and end. so are you going to write a 3rd part? i hope you are. i think i like this story better than your other stories. not to be mean.
Mar 07, 2011 Rating
Thanks! by: Shine
I'm real glad you like my story. Thanks again!
Mar 07, 2011 Rating
sweet!!!!! by: Anonymous
hey shine this is sweet. i love how this story is a continuation of the first one. unlike "Apollo" this story describes the horse. i love it!!!!
Mar 06, 2011 Rating
I LOVE YOUR STORIES!!! by: ranchgirl
I always see you comment on my stories and I decided on my stories. You told me I was better at writing stories than you are. SO NOT TRUE!!! You are better than I am. I am going to start a new story soon. If you like Tom, probably you will like my new one
Mar 05, 2011 Rating
Great story! by: Unicorn
Your "Apollo" stories were excellent already - "Blossom" looks to be even better! I loooove Aunt Florence. She has a curious way of speaking, very poetic, which makes me think she's a touch eccentric but in a good way. Characters are fleshed out beautifully by mannerisms, oddities in speech. Also, you have done a brilliant job at revealing Laurel's beauty. You don't just tell us that Laurel is beautiful. In an indirect and poetic way, you tell us that Laurel is beautiful, which is why she was named Laurel, but that she doesn't care much for her looks and is embarrassed when people compliment her on this - you've told us a lot about Laurel in just a few sentences. It takes a lot of skill to do that, and it's very hard.
Aunt Florence's speech is perfect, but Mother and Laurel seem rather stiff and formal when they talk - try to loosen them up a little. Use abbreviations ("I'll", "can't", "she's") when your characters are talking - very few people go "I will" "cannot" or "she is". Also, a little bit more description would help me to picture the setting a bit more. Not too much, though, description bogs down prose, which is why I so like the way you introduced Laurel's looks. Thanks for this lovely story. Please write on!
Feb 26, 2011 Rating
Hi Rebekah! by: Shine
thanks for commenting Rebekah! I try to make it as long as I can but I'm not allowed on the computer very long but I will try harder to make it longer. Are you writing any stories on this site? If you are please give me the titles and I'll comment. Thanks!
Feb 26, 2011 Rating
AWESOME STORY! by: Rebekah
I think your stories awesome the only thing I would change is make it longer I totally love it you're talented!
